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[15 Feb 2014|11:37am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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until the day i die |
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i'm at fran's at the moment. stayed hea last night :. watched dodgeball and cheaper by the dozen. amused me greatly. i dunno what im doing tonigh or where i may be going. I've asked vic but i very much doubt i'll be staying anywhere with her. that girl doesnt change. thats all im saying.
i really wonna see beaky and lauren. i feel really depressed at the moment. yeno, for obviuse reasons. i just have far too much on my mind at the moment and i need my close friends hea for me :) hope theyr alright. havent see beak for a while. and lauren since the arena.
im listening to Staceys mom :D reminds me of the KTV crew so much. it's great :) cheers me up loads. just reminds me of school and all the godo stuff that happend. everyone was always there for eachother. not that they arent now. i know that if i ever need my friends they'll always be there for me :) which makes me feel loads better. i just like remembering school so much. was the happiest time of my life in that shithole. so many memories.
listening to 'until the day i die' another school song :) ee how good.
i suppose im in a good mood today considering. it's sunnyish... dunno if its warm or not yet and my hair is clean :) so yeno... not so bad. im wearing frans brothers boxers :| urgh. ok that makes me feel scruffy as. better than lauren and he gran's nickers. lol ee that was funny as.
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[18 Feb 2005|04:22pm] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
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music |
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something corporate - my konstantine |
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its kinda funny how we are capable of memorizing every soft spoken words that come out of their mouths... and never want to forget them. beautiful moments always seem to last the shortest... but those are the times when i take a simple "hey" as "i love you" and nothing else seems to matter.
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| Happy Valentines day, i hope the sun's out in New York |
[14 Feb 2005|11:00am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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right well... i was just downstairs ironing my clothes to wear(been wearing same clothes for about 3 days now) and michael came in (Y) minto. it went...
michael: what are you doing here?
me: gettin sum clothes
michael: i fort u wer movin out?
me: im getting sum clothes
michael: u just gunna grab em all n put em in a black bag?
what a fucking arsehole.. making it sounds as though im the one that was like "right im moving out" when it was him that fucking kicked me out. trying to make it sounds as though its me and not him so he looks better. what a fucking cock. i hate it in this house. im sorta glad they've kicked me out so i dont look like a nob for just going. dunnow er im gunna go tho. need to go to connexions me thinx. ill try get hold of lauren n see what she's doing.
what really pissed me off about him and my mam on saturday was thatall i had done was asked for the internet connection and they kicked off... michael pushed me into the wall... mam started goin on about shitty fucking college and then.... they told me to go AND mam got maddie to come to the door and wave bye. what a fucking arse. i hate her so fucking much. just that she got maddie to come to the door. shes a cow. i hate her :D
anyways.... im just getting stuff... waiting for live to come round coz she wants to see me :| im sorta scared coz its valentines day and well...yeno... why does she want to see me so much today? i cudnt exactly say no though so shes comein round for a bit :S i wont be hea long tho after she gets hea... img oing as soon as i can.
on another note.... i hate valentines day. last valentines day was so cool. i actually liked it... and the year before was alright, even though i wasnt with anyone. me and sarah and everyone just got hammered at the mill :) which reminds me... im going out and getting drunk with sarah 2nite. which is minto as. im sorta depressed a little today... well... alot. i just. *sighs* i miss them so much. i mean, they still hang around and stuff... but theyr not mine. i just want them to be mine :( life is shit when you in love and they dont want you. but anyways... im writing them a letter today. just to say how i feel so that they know. i know nothing going to happen anymore. i just want them to know that they mean the world to me :)
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[14 Feb 2005|10:33am] |
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right well kids, i have alot to say right now and little time to do it. the reason i wont be seen online as much this week is because well... i've been kicked out. so yeah, if anyone has a home to donate it wud be nice :) lol. im at home right now picking stuff up. stayed at sadies last ngiht and vics the night before. dunno where tonight though *shrugs*. so yeah... thats the reason why it may be hard to get hold of me. my mobile has no charge left so yeah... the only way of getting holf of me is through vic really. she'll know where i am :D. altho i think im gunna grab me charged whilst im hea so i'll have me fone on by the end of the night :) so yeah. id anyone needs me yeno wer me thingy is. michaels back n hes gunna dc lataaa
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[04 Feb 2005|06:28pm] |
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mood |
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okay |
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I've learned a lot about living in the moment. Everyone has moments they remember and cherish, and those moments make like worth living. I've been thinking so much about death and love these past few months, and I'm just beginning to realize that it all just exists right now in this moment. This is all we have--right now.
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[31 Jan 2005|09:35pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there?... Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different.
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[27 Jan 2005|12:15am] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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liz's cd - jamisom parker - biting bullets |
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i'm listening to the CD liz gave to me, i've just read her blurty as well and i guess she hates me now. which i deserve. i didnt mean for any of this to happen :( and it hurts me so much tot hink that i've done this to her, that every single feelings of pain she feels is because of me. I'm crying so much at the moment i cant breathe. it's not because i feel guilty... although that is a part of it... theres loads of reasons... i suppose i am getting back to normal, i can cry now. and now that i'm crying it's like i'm getting rid off all this shit inside me that makes life so hard. I'm so sick of my problems, they dont just fuck me up they fuck other people up. and im glad liz has realised that she deserves better than me :) and i know it wont be long until she can look at me and say, yeah, you were the one that fucked me over. I dont know what fran has said to her before i got there tonight, but i would really rather people wouldnt talk about me to other people. although i do deserve it, so they can do what they want. Liz just seemed really angry in the way she wrote it, stuff about opening up her eyes... i just didnt think fran would talk about me behind my back, i hope she hasnt :( it would hurt me so much to think that i couldnt even trust my best friend anymore. i've got a pretty strong feeling she did though. I know i seem compleatly unreasonable getting excited about love, and thinking its the most amazing thing ever whilst watching a film... but at the moment, those feelings that i get from watching those films are the only feelings i have, and its only tonight that they've been able to do that for me in so long. i thought i'd lost the ability to even do that a bit ago... and now i have that i know im getting better. i guess i am a dick. i shouldnt get excited about it when watching a film... it just takes me away from life and all this shit and questions that comes with it. it makes me feel possitive about love, makes me think that hurt is worth it.. changes my outlook. makes me remember whats really important and what isnt. I have got to admit, i've thought about leaving all this shot for a while now. i've been trying to forget and just leave it but i cant. But i'm not going to give up this time. i will get through it and i will make things better for everyone. for every little bit of pain i have caused to anyone, i will make it better. i'll make everything better. one thing at a time and i'll get there. i have to stay positive :) who am i fooling really? i feel hurt. i dont feel shit this time. i dont feel fed up. i feel hurt. i havent felt this for a while, and it's like a stabbing pain in the chest, and every now and then in the back. why am i so hurt? NO... think positive. i will get through this. everyone around me deserves so much more from me than what theyr getting. i'm sorry for everything i've done.... but im going to make it right :)
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| do you want a song of glory, well i'm fucking screaming at you! |
[26 Jan 2005|08:27pm] |
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mood |
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 hyper |
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music |
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box full of sharp objects - the used |
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i am at fran's... it is rather good. im hyper as a hyper person... which is normal i guess... i have just been spin around ona chair which i have just also fallen off. i felt like 1 of those dinosaurs from land before time that eats its way out of its shell. LMAO sum1 has stood in dog poop and frans living room smells so bad, hahaha. how funny, i reccon fran just poo'd herself. or missed the toilet and stood in it and dragged it back in the room.. what a minger :P pleugh. I had one of those random bursts of energy that i get ever now and then, although i havent had one for them for such a long time :D it was so good. I got it as soon as i got off the train... so i ran down the steps goin "EEEK" as i do and ran all the way to frans. by the time i got to frans i though i was going to have a heart attack though.
Liz has two poo's a day. she just told me. therefore i now think the shit in frans living room doorway is liz's... dirty slag. shitting in peoples doorways.
fran just asked me to eat sum shitty hazel not ice cream... nuts... urgh... looks like the shit in the doorway,. i bet the ice cream has liz's poo nuts in it, thats why fran likes it so much; she is eating liz's ass. eheheh am only joshin mert. i drank milk... i shudnt of seen as im a lactose entolorate (dunno how to spell it) but i am one of those freaks. and its made me chest close up. crushing my heart and corrupting my soul.... ooo arty.
i now have nothing else to write about. i just felt like a wittery post.
nice one, my mood has just changed compleatly. urgh, i liked that mood as well. i cant believe this. oh well it'll go back to how it was a few mins ago in a sec. i will listen to the used loudly now to get rid of my mood. URGH. right well i guess i have leart now not to say anything i dont mean to anyone, even if it will make them happy... from now on i will be selfish, do what makes me happy and ill be okay.
good night x
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[26 Jan 2005|06:34pm] |
my new tattoo :D:D how good
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[26 Jan 2005|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
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music |
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sugarcult - daddys little defect |
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OOOO AM HYPER AS A CHICKEN IN A PLAY PEN WITH NEW TOYS!!1
HEHE Wooo am hyper as a mother.. if i was a man and i was in a band, i would prance around the stage like that weird dude from the cure... or maybe taking back sunday... they both look gay and retarded when they dance... touching themself and stuff. i would quite like it :D
i wonna start a band.. it would be so cool. any1 wonna be in a band? that we WILL practice for... so far i have me and vic. any joiners? hehe joiners... not that building kinda joiners... i mean for the band, yeah cool nice 1 berty mac murty.
LMAO i just realised something! the man on my icon dances like Hilary Duff in her santa clause lane performance for Disney haha and Rob Granger! ee what a funny old life.
yeno who i miss loads? Lauren and Beaky, we used to do laodsa mad stuff and we never do anymore. we shud go out with sum fishing wire again and stuff :D wud be so cool. woddayasay? :D
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[26 Jan 2005|04:37pm] |
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okay |
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music |
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student rick |
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today was shit. although i didnt go to any lessons apart from maths, which was a pile of shite. Got up at half 7 and got a shower intending on getting the quarter past 9 bus.... which obv didnt work. Ended up getting the quarter past 1 bus, which meant i'd missed film, tutorial and key skills... so i went and told my stalker patty lew why i couldnt come in for the morning lessons and she said that she's gunna get my EMA in my bank for last week :) even though i didnt go to my lessons, which is mint as :D so patty aint that bad after all... i'm still sure she's a dyke tho and she's only doing it because she wants in my pants. ERR thats mingin :| asif i just said that. she's all wrinkly and old... and she looks like frans ex debbie.
so thats all i've dont today, fun fun fun. oo only got 2 lessons 2moro, hehe cool as fook. oo i gotta do my character analysis for Kelly for 2moro... must make sure i do it, if not i can just hand in the one i did at the beginning of the year, she wudnt notice. Our Bap's is bein quite nice to me at the moment, altho she cant say my name without saying "the one on the report thingy" since i've been put on that thing she's been nice to me :S maybe she likes the rebels ;) eerrrr why did i do that again!? these are old women... old old women who all look like fran's ex's... urgh. mingin as fook, mingin as fook man.
well i am now bored... again. why am i always bored? i need a life. maybe i can convince people to come out in the cold and do some KTV for a while :) it wud be fun... and cold. oo i can smell Sam :s why can i smell sam? oo she's on my hoody... how cool. she smells so nice :) like a pea. well no not a pea.. just something nice. I'm not quite sure what it is but it relaxes me so much, reminds me of something to do with summer and my friends.. hehe i love sam's smell :D it is beautiful :D
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| alive at last |
[25 Jan 2005|01:48pm] |
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mood |
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 moody |
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music |
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the used - taste of ink live |
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ooo been to 4 out of 5 lessons so far! go meee mert, go me. Hmm... only had first to lessons so i ahev no come home and have nothing to do. i think im gunna tidy my room and try and do a little work.. i never do work when i say that. but i have to this time. there isnt that much work to do anyways. I think i might phone Sarah or sum1 and see what theyr doing tonight. havent been out with them for a while....it shud be good. or maybe i'll see what Lauren and Beak are doing, havent seen them two for a bit as well. wonder where the two scunners are, probably drunk sumwer. OO yeah, i think i might get drunk 2nite. altho mam and michael are going away today, abput bloody time as well, they never leave me alone. 2 weeks without them nagging at me every 5 mins. will be bloody great a tell thee.Really wish they wud leave me in the house alone though, but nooo gran and grandad have come 2 stay for 2 weeks to look after maddie and antonia. wheyyyy. eesh. typical innit ey?
i feel nasty, i was rather mean to Elizabeth last night. i think i'll phone her up and apologise when she's home from college. i'm a big weenie sumtimes.. theres really no point in talking to me when im in a shitty mood. i act so much like eminem its bloody scary.
OMG yeah! dude.... i have no straightners... mams takin them with her, what the fcuk am i going to do!? i went to colege today without straightenin my hair because i cudnt be arsed doin it, it looks normal really. but i that wasnt after i've been in a shower. i NEED them for after i've been in the shower.
oo im in a good goodo mood. i might be hyper? im not sure though. i'll drunk sum coffee and see what happens. i feel all... umm... i dunno what the word is, it's like excited... but it's not... excilerated? whats that mean? think i've made it up actualy. i wonna get out of this shitty numb thing. i wonna be with my friends all the time and have fun. get back to the old school days of being drunk and disorderly, nickin benches and puttin them in the middle of the road sorta shit :D i'm gunna try my hardest to get rid of this shitty thing in my head all the time and live whilst i can. stop being so fake and fake smiles, life will get better:D
"this could be my chance to break out, this could be my chance to say goodbye now... now i'm ready to be free"
well my mam is now pissing me off telling me to tidy up... glad she's going for 2 weeks the stupid bint.
aww my pillow smells of vic :) how cool. so does my teddy :) hehe
Oh Serena says:
hehehe your mums cooool
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in says:
shes a bint
Oh Serena says:
hahahaha
Oh Serena says:
shes necca
i'm sick of all these perverted conversations about my mother, pfft. Lauren you are sick! yack! although Laurens mam is a bit of a milf. our Jude, she's a legand ;) my mams shoutin, not sure why. oh, sumthin bout a blue extention. i garentee she will barge in ym room any second and rip the orange extention out of my wall, i dont see why she needs it anyway. she's pissin off to an airoplane in an hour.
The hardest part was losing you thanks to a i love you note and secret lullaby i hope he bleeds trying.... says:
lol bye hunny xXx]
oo im a hunny. a hunny pot. pot. pot. pot. pot .pot
i'm bored...
oo here comes mother... "right ill go look in her bedroom!"
yeah nice 1. i'm in a bad mood now. was fucking fine until those two stared throwin stuff around my fucking room looking for things i dont even have.
"oo theres a bottle of cider in here... from whistle stop wines"
yeah nice 1 mam (Y) fcuking hell. i hater her so fucking much at the moment. just pisses me off when they throw stuff around my fucking room for no fucking reason, URGH.
right well im going to tidy my room and all that jazz
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[24 Jan 2005|05:33pm] |
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music |
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the streets - could well be in |
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well everyone's been pissin me off 2day really, especially Graham... he's a tit, i hate him. Kelly was dead nice :) which i'm glad of coz i was shittin myself. I'm bored and i cant be arsed going out anywhere because it's raining and cold, so i guess i'll sit in hea all night. Going to do a little work i think, and then watch a film and stuff (Y) minto. Hmm liz hasnt rang me yet, which is weird. she usually fones me wen she gets in :S wonder if she's okay. eesh, she'll be alright. she doesnt have to phone me when she gets in, she probably thinks i wont want her 2 or somthing *shrugs* pat lewis is a rug muncher + a stalker
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[22 Jan 2005|10:13pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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the used - lunacy fringe |
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i'm bored. i'm always bloody bored at the moment. Havent done much today... got home from beckys at about half 11, had something to eat and went to sleep intil half 4 when Liz came round. Liz then went and i went downstairs and watched tv and i have now ventured my way back up into my bedroom and on here.... fun day ey?
Last night was good though. Went to Beckys for her 18th, was wuite fun. Karla was funny as, although she's always funny. havent been around her for a bit tho so she seemed twice as funny. Faye was really pissed as well, kept falling down the stairs and stuff.
OOO college sent a letter in and mam opened it saying about my attendance. and graham the tosser had a word with me in drama the other day, i really cant be arsed with college anymore. but i know if i drop out i wont do anything else. it's shite. i just cant be botherd to go to any lessons or to do any work for the lessons... pile of shite really innit?
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| knowing nothing is better than knowing at all |
[20 Jan 2005|09:11am] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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the used - on my own |
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i really enjoyed last night. it was fucking amazing! THE USED dude they were the best band i've ever seen. Bert was sexy as fuck. dunno what the hell thats about because i'm gay... but he was sexy as fuck :| especially when he screamed :| was fucking klass. me and faye had to get pulled out though because i we were seriously going to pass out. wiosh i cudda stayed in though, wudd been klass. Vic spewed on sum1 in the pit hehe. and i punched sum1 :D hehe how good. they were doing my fucking head in though with that fucking phone behind me.omg .. they played Blue and yellow. and as soon as he said the name my eyes began to well up. managed to hold them back until the end line of the song. it was so nice though, the music was dead quiet and he just whispered "rather waste some time with you" :'( omg it's making me cry now thinking about it. it just reminded me of so many things, it was like all the feelings i had then were just rushing back in and there was so many i just had to cry. Havent felt so many feelings at once before in my life. At the moment it seems as though i only has enough for one feeling at a time. OO and then it was so nice. Bert was talking saying how he appriciate's all his die hard fans... it went like this :
*bert stand at the front of the stage infront of the microphone* "This song is for you... all of you, and especially the die hard used fans!" *ties his hair back* "all the fans that have been kicked down for the used" *crowd screams* " all the fans that have been stabbed in the back, for the used..... all the fans that have been shot in the face, for the used!" *crowd screams louder* "this song is for you! because fo you i know i dont have to die alone" *music starts and he sings ON MY OWN* :Dhow fuckin good. i'm chuffin ova this now so i'm gunna stop... all i have to say is. Fucking minto gig mert! hehe.
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[19 Jan 2005|10:16am] |
 | You scored as Sandy. You are an easygoing idealist. You follow your own internal values and also know how to have a good time. Make sure that you are not so easygoing and fun seeking that you don't ever realize your ideals.
Sandy | | 100% | Jimmy | | 83% | Luke | | 67% | Marissa | | 67% | Kirsten | | 56% | Anna | | 50% | Hailey | | 44% | Julie | | 44% | Caleb | | 39% | Summer | | 39% | Seth | | 33% | Oliver | | 28% | Ryan | | 22% | </td>
What OC character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com |
nice one! i'm the old man
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[19 Jan 2005|09:47am] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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music |
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the used - lunacy fringe |
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USED TICKETS HAVE JUST COME! dude omg, i'm goin to see the used tonight. Still got shit loads to sort out though. Not going to college today... well i am, i'm just not going to any lessons :P I'm gunna do sum work 4 drama and then go in and talk 2 every1 at dinner.
OOOO no! Beaky n Lauren dunno how theyr gettin to newcastle and back 2nite :S i feel horrible because we wer all supposed to be going together but beaky sed they wernt goin so faye got me a place in her car... and then lauren sed they wer going agen :S i dunno what to do. i feel shockin 4 leavin beaky n lauren but my mams already talked to Faye about the car and stuff n i've already given her petrol money :( urgh. i dunno what to do...
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| babble babble bitch bitch rebel rebel party party sex sex sex and don't forget the violence |
[18 Jan 2005|09:19pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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the new shit - marilyn manson |
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going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro going to see the used 2moro. hehe well that was fun :D i enjoy copy and paste, it's a life full of wonders. Well... today was, umm... okay i suppose. Nothing interesting or exciting to tell, apart from waking up to Ashley farting and then giggeling. but apart from that there's nothing.
I'm talking to Si at the mo... havent talked to him in fucking ages. used to talk to him all the time through summer and beginning of college as well. hehe ooo yeah, saw Lee today, he was in college and waved and did this (Y) was minto.
the
last
thing
i
see
is
feeling
and i'm telling
you
i'm a fake
peace x
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[17 Jan 2005|05:13pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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well... i stayed up all night last night as planned. well no actually i fell asleep at about 5 and woke up at half 6... so i had about an hour and a half sleep... which wasnt supposed 2 happen. Anyways, doing it again 2nite to so Grahams work rather than Kellys for 2moro. dude... i need to learn to do my work.
Been 2 all 3 lessons 2day :) even though Film was cancelled so i cudda gone home if i hadnt of lost my bloody money :( Michaels being a tit. i dont like him 2day, fuckin nob he is. anyway, i better tidy my room because it smells of rotting pot noodle and i have stuff all over my floor.
I'm quite pissed off as well actually because every1s left me to organise the lift to the used gig and back. which i will not do. vic sed she wud meet me... but she didnt... so yeno, she's back to her usual self i guess.
Anyways,fuck life
x
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